


Lonely People

by TheEmcee



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Complete, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Stuttering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:35:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26338867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEmcee/pseuds/TheEmcee
Summary: Connor and Evan are lonely people
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 1
Kudos: 78





	Lonely People

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the fandom. I'm making no money off of this fic.
> 
> A/N: I recently hopped on the DEH band wagon and I'm in love. The music, the story, the characters, all of it is amazing. And I'm not ashamed to admit that I ship Connor and Evan. So, I decided to write a little fic. Feel free to leave a comment in the towel section down below and enjoy!

~...~

Lonely People

~...~

Connor was ten when the name appeared on his right wrist. A burning sensation that came and went within seconds told him that his soul mark had appeared and he immediately looked down. It was still tender and it ached with a mild pain, but nothing he had experienced already. Getting the flu shot hurt worse. He read it and was instantly perplexed.

Evan Hansen.

That was the name that had appeared on his wrist. His brow furrowed as he read and reread the name. Evan Hansen; Evan Hansen; Evan Hansen.

Just who the fuck was Evan Hansen?

~...~

Evan's face paled when he felt his soul mark burn into prominence on his wrist. All his life, he had been told that having a soul mate and meeting them and falling madly in love was this enormous blessing. Yet, to him, it seemed utterly terrifying. The mere thought of going up to his soul mate and even saying hello made his stomach churn and quiver, ready to vomit as his anxiety rose and threatened to take over his senses. He couldn't hold a normal conversation to save his life; even if he knew what to say, his stutter would prevent the words from coming out properly.

He was a weirdo, a freak, and everyone knew it. That's why he didn't have any friends. Jared wasn't even his friend, not really, not in the way friends should be friends. Evan knew he was a chore for him; he was a chore for everybody. It was easier for people to ignore him and pretend as though he didn't exist and although that made life lonely, it was easier that way. The thought of forcing someone to associate with him, like Jared, made Evan feel worth less than a speck of dirt.

And that was why he dreaded getting a soul mark. 

Secretly, he had been hoping, praying, that he'd be one of the lucky few who never received one. Less than one percent of the entire world's population never got soul marks, and while it was a foolish and silly wish, Evan desperately hoped he'd be special like that. Alas, he wasn't. Just like billions of others on this planet, he had a soul mark.

Connor Murphy. 

That was his soul mate. Connor Murphy, who kept to himself much like Evan, but who did it because people wouldn't leave him alone, unlike Evan. Being the son of a wealthy and affluent family, people naturally paid attention to Connor and the other boy hated it. He hated it so much that he'd get angry and mean and lash out at everyone around him. It made Evan sad; Connor hadn't always been that way. He had been quiet and reserved once too, just never as awkward and shy and anxious as Evan.

At least, that's how Evan interpreted it. But he didn't understand everything, being as he was only ten. One thing he did understand was that Connor Murphy was his soul mate and Evan felt so bad for that. 

No one deserved Evan Hansen for a soul mate.

~...~

Years passed by and it was the summer before Evan's senior year of high school. 

He had never approached Connor about his soul mark. There was no need. Connor never approached him and, to Evan, that meant he wasn't interested, which was a good thing. It was better for the world to pass him by. The best thing Evan could do for everyone was to not exist. 

Which was why he climbed the tree, higher and higher and higher, until he could go no further. The likelihood of him surviving a fall from such a height was slim. It'd be a miracle if he did. And that's why he jumped. No one would miss him; not his mom, not Jared, and certainly not Connor. Evan would die, his name would fade into a barely visible scar on Connor's wrist, and life would go on as though nothing of consequence happened. 

He hit the ground. Pain shot through his arm briefly before it went numb. Broken branches lay around him. Evan was alive. He had failed, as usual. And all he had to show for it was a broken arm.

Not even Death wanted him.

~...~

Anger burned inside of Connor, just as it always had; hot, unrelenting, hard to contain. Was it too much to ask to be left alone? Did everyone have to poke and prod him? Why couldn't he fade away into the background? Be another face in the crowd, just like Evan Hansen?

No one saw Evan, no one but Connor that is. 

No one saw how gentle he truly was. No one saw how his emotions reflected so brightly in his green eyes. No one saw how the sunshine always hit his hair, just right. No one saw how his entire body trembled whenever he had to answer a question in class, or how he stuttered whenever he had to answer a simple yes or no question. No one saw how small he always tried to make himself, especially around Kleinman. No one saw how his eyes lit up whenever he talked around trees or how his smile made the world seem less like shit. No one heard him when he spoke. 

No one saw Evan Hansen period.

In a weird, twisted way, Connor wanted to be just like Evan: someone no one paid any mind to. It would be wonderful to be left alone, to have the peace and quiet that his soul mate seemed to have, though not by choice. Sure, Evan was messed up on the head, but so was Connor. No one likes being alone, Evan included, but maybe, in a different world, they could be lonely together, revel in the peace and quiet that would accompany them.

As it was, that couldn't happen. People always had something to say to Connor. Kleinman had the balls to say shit to his face, and that was the one and only thing he appreciated about the bastard, but others his behind whispers. Except his parents. His father was constantly picking fights with him over the dumbest things and his mother was constantly nagging him. And Zoe? She treated him like dirt, just like their father did. Didn't they realize that he wouldn't be so angry if they all just left him alone?

So, he was angry as he walked into school. He was angry when he ran into Evan, whose awkwardness was endearing and adorable and never failed to make Connor's squeeze. And he took his anger out on Evan by yelling at him and pushing him to the ground. Connor was all too aware that he had hurt his soul mate and he ran away, feeling even more like a piece of shit than he normally did.

~...~

Not many people treated Evan kindly. His mother tried her best, she really did, but he knew that he was ultimately a bother to her in the end. And he couldn't recall a moment when Jared was actually, genuinely nice to him. Connor, who had become aware of his existence as the years passed by, brushed him aside or made scathing, sarcastic comments whenever he was around. Only one person had ever said a truly kind word to him was Zoe, Connor's sister.

She had accidently bumped into him in the hall and had apologized for jostling his broken arm. It stunned him for a moment because no one had ever apologized to him over anything.

So, he put that in the letter Dr. Sherman recommended he write to himself. Evan had just printed it out when Connor stepped into the computer lab. Seeing him made Evan shrink in his chair in an attempt to make himself small and invisible. It didn't work because Connor approached him almost immediately, looking uncomfortable and apprehensive.

"I don't normally do this, so consider yourself unusually lucky, but...I'm sorry. For earlier," Connor said to him. 

Evan blinked at him, dumbfounded, and swallowed thickly. That was the second time a Murphy had apologized to him today. What was going on? Was the universe messing with him or something? Or was this an omen of even worse things to come?

"N-n-n-no-no need to ap-pologize. It Was m-m-my f-fault anyway," Evan replied, avoiding eye contact and clenching his fists tightly. 

Connor snorted in response.

"You'd say that to a serial killer if they murdered you," he retorted. He eyed Evan's cast. "How'd you break your arm?"

At that, Evan hesitsted. The urge to lie, just as he had done to him mother and Jared, was strong. But he feared that the soul bond between himself and Connor would betray him. He didn't want there to be mistrust between the two of them, given that they were soul mates and all, so Evan told him the truth.

"I....I j-j-j-jumped out of a tree," Evan answered, his shoulders slumping as he did so.

Connor's eyes widened ever so slightly. There was a brief flicker of surprise on his face before understanding settled in. He seemed to get where Evan was coming from and he wasn't judging him for it.

"Well....shit," Connor said as he ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want me to sign your cast?" He then asked with a gesture.

"Oh, you-you-you don't ha-have t-t-to do th-that," Evan stuttered as a blush crept over his face.

"I know I don't have to. I want to, dumbass," Connor snapped back at him. He took a breath before he added," Do you have a sharpie?" 

Evan's hand went into his pocket and retrieved the marker. Connor took it when it was offered and signed his name in big letters on the cast. When he handed it back to Evan, their fingers brushed for a second, just a second, but it was enough for a spark to shoot throughout both of their bodies. 

Clearing his throat, Connor turned away and noticed the paper in the printer.

"What's this?" he asked and grabbed it. Evan tried to take it from him but Connor was fast and he quickly turned away and read it. "What the FUCK is this, man?!" 

Once more, his anger flared and Connor turned to Evan with a menacing glare. Evan kept his gaze focused on the floor as he trembled before his soul mate.

"It's....it's for my th-therapist," he said in a rush. "Dr. Sherman wants me to wr-write l-l-letters to myself. To help with m-my an-anxiety."

Silence fell upon them and Evan didn't dare look up at the taller boy. He merely stood there before him, waiting for Connor to say or do something. The tension that had built up in the room began to slowly dwindle and the letter was held out to him. With shaking hands, Evan gingerly took it before he looked up at Connor, who looked slightly guilty.

"I'm sorry. I'm just...so used to people making fun of me," Connor explained quietly. 

"I'd never do that," Evan said instantly and without stuttering. Because it was true; it wasn't in his nature to bully or tease someone period. 

"For some reason, I believe you," Connor said. He turned to leave.

"Wait!" Evan cried out so suddenly that he startled himself. Connor stopped and turned to look at him.

"What?" was all he asked.

"Would...would you e-ever like to...to h-h-hang out sometime?" Evan asked, sounding tiny and small. He looked so sad to Connor and yet so hopeful. His green eyes shone brightly and Connor found he couldn't look away.

"Sure. Give me your phone," Connor told him and Evan did, unlocking it before handing it over. Connor typed his number into it before handing it back to him. "I'll text you, okay?" 

Evan smiled at him, a genuine smile that lit up Connor's dark and depressing world effortlessly. He was fucked; so very fucked if this kid kept being so adorable. 

"O-okay!" 

For the first time in a long time, Evan felt a spark of happiness surge through him. But it faded just as quickly as it arrived. Connor may have had his problems, but he didn't need to be burdened by a soul mate like Evan. This sudden change didn't go unnoticed by Connor.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, sounding almost concerned. 

"It's...it's just....you d-deserve someone b-b-better," Evan told him, his eyes downcast and sadness marring his beautiful face. He rubbed his soul mark and chewed on his lip.

"No, I really don't," Connor said. "We're both freaks with issues. Might as well try this out."

Evan wasn't positive what Connor meant exactly by 'this'. Did he mean friendship, or something more, something deeper? It was too soon to tell and Evan didn't really want to think too much about it right now.

"Like I said, I'll text you, Evan," Connor said before he turned and finally left.

Evan sighed and he grabbed his things and left the lab as well. He supposed that that hadn't gone as horribly as it could. At least Connor hadn't been a jerk to him. Actually, he was rather nice. There was more to the taller boy than what people saw. He may be angry a lot, but he was quiet and kept to himself and kind in his own way.

"What the fuck are you smiling about?" Jared asked him as they met up outside . 

"Was I...was I smiling?" Evan asked him, surprised.

"Yeah, you were," Jared said. "A small one, but it was there, as plain as the cast on your arm."

"Oh," was all Evan could add.

If Jared asked anymore questions, Evan didn't hear them. He was too preoccupied with his second encounter with Connor and what the future may hold for him. 

And for the first time ever, Evan Hansen had something good to write about in his letters.


End file.
